Room 418, Wednesday Night After Radio

[wrongkindofsith]

Instead of her usual post-radio bed-flop (talking that much was draining, all right?), Cara was pacing, fingers drumming restlessly against her thighs.

She mightn't have worn a hole in the carpet yet, but given the tension in her shoulders it was only a matter of time.

[Expecting one.]

Comments

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

"You might not consider it so bad," Clark admitted, still ashamed of how he'd acted. Cara deserved to hear his little story, especially if it would help her understand why he wasn't running now. "You remember how I'm an alien? Well, the ship that brought me to Earth years ago started freaking out and sending me a message. I tried to resist, but my birth father burned this symbol into my chest and I thought the only way to make it all stop was to destroy the ship. Turns out, the explosion reached my parents and uh, my mom miscarried the baby they'd always wanted." He'd been able to tell the story pretty calmly until the last part when he had to look away. "It wasn't the first time some part of me had hurt them, so I ran off, thinking they were better without me around destroying their lives."

[wrongkindofsith]

"But that sounds like it was an accident." Cara really had no idea what to say, especially without Kahlan or Richard around to prompt, but it was still easier than talking about herself. "You never hurt your family deliberately. Never chose to."

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

Jonathan probably would've pointed out how badly words can hurt beyond the physical pain. Clark was not so bright. "No, I guess not. Have you?"

[wrongkindofsith]

Cara tensed and looked at a point just beyond Clark's shoulder. "Yes."

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

Clark didn't know if he should push or not, but if he was going to, now seemed to be the time. "What happened?"

[wrongkindofsith]

"I killed my father." Considering the last time she'd told someone that it had been her sister, Cara thought it should have been easier this time.

If anything it was harder.

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

"On purpose?" Clark gulped, his eyes showing how much he didn't want to believe that.

[wrongkindofsith]

Cara nodded.

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

"Without coercion or force?" Clark added with hope.

[wrongkindofsith]

"That's what I believed at the time." That that hadn't quite been the case been didn't really change things in Cara's eyes.

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

"He must've done something horrible for you to have killed him." Clark wouldn't ask. He knew better.

[wrongkindofsith]

Cara shook her head. "I thought that for years. That he was a spineless, selfish, pathetic bastard." Her words were clipped, her tone tinged with anger and guilt. "But he wasn't. He didn't deserve what I did to him."

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

The guilt really was all he needed to hear. "So you're sorry you did it? I mean, it sounds like this is something you regret."

[wrongkindofsith]

"That doesn't change the fact I did it." That Kahlan should have confessed her for it.

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

"It changes a lot," he insisted. "If you say he didn't deserve it and that you don't care, well, that might worry me."

[wrongkindofsith]

"But I didn't care, not for years." Which was why she hadn't told Grace what she'd done until she'd lost her temper in the town hall. Yup. "I was proud I did it."

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

Somehow Clark doubted she was proud from the moment she believed the man had not deserved his fate. "Cara, what do you hope to get from telling me all of this?"

[wrongkindofsith]

Considering the first thing she'd done when she found out the truth was beg for an incredibly painful death, he would be completely right there. "Because the sooner you realise the kind of person I am, the less it'll hurt all around."

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

"You mean you want me to believe you're a horrible person and leave." She might as well hit a puppy with her agiel.

[wrongkindofsith]

"I don't want that." This whole exercise would be so much easier if she did. "But I don't want you to get hurt because you think I'm something I'm not."

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

"You don't want me to get hurt, but you don't like who I think you are," he said. "You might have to get over yourself, Cara, because you haven't said anything to change my opinion."

[wrongkindofsith]

"What will it take to make you see?"

That probably wasn't a challenge on Clark's part, Cara.

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

"See reality or what you seem to think I should see?" This could not possibly end well.

[wrongkindofsith]

Somewhere in the Midlands, Richard was suddenly overcome with the urge to bash himself unconscious on the nearest tree-trunk. "They're the same thing!"

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

"Fine, you tell me who you are and then tell me who I am and we'll see if I agree." Somehow he was derailing this conversation if it killed him.