Room 418, Wednesday Night After Radio

[wrongkindofsith]

Instead of her usual post-radio bed-flop (talking that much was draining, all right?), Cara was pacing, fingers drumming restlessly against her thighs.

She mightn't have worn a hole in the carpet yet, but given the tension in her shoulders it was only a matter of time.

[Expecting one.]

Comments

[wrongkindofsith]

"I killed my father." Considering the last time she'd told someone that it had been her sister, Cara thought it should have been easier this time.

If anything it was harder.

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

"On purpose?" Clark gulped, his eyes showing how much he didn't want to believe that.

[wrongkindofsith]

Cara nodded.

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

"Without coercion or force?" Clark added with hope.

[wrongkindofsith]

"That's what I believed at the time." That that hadn't quite been the case been didn't really change things in Cara's eyes.

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

"He must've done something horrible for you to have killed him." Clark wouldn't ask. He knew better.

[wrongkindofsith]

Cara shook her head. "I thought that for years. That he was a spineless, selfish, pathetic bastard." Her words were clipped, her tone tinged with anger and guilt. "But he wasn't. He didn't deserve what I did to him."

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

The guilt really was all he needed to hear. "So you're sorry you did it? I mean, it sounds like this is something you regret."

[wrongkindofsith]

"That doesn't change the fact I did it." That Kahlan should have confessed her for it.

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

"It changes a lot," he insisted. "If you say he didn't deserve it and that you don't care, well, that might worry me."

[wrongkindofsith]

"But I didn't care, not for years." Which was why she hadn't told Grace what she'd done until she'd lost her temper in the town hall. Yup. "I was proud I did it."

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

Somehow Clark doubted she was proud from the moment she believed the man had not deserved his fate. "Cara, what do you hope to get from telling me all of this?"

[wrongkindofsith]

Considering the first thing she'd done when she found out the truth was beg for an incredibly painful death, he would be completely right there. "Because the sooner you realise the kind of person I am, the less it'll hurt all around."

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

"You mean you want me to believe you're a horrible person and leave." She might as well hit a puppy with her agiel.

[wrongkindofsith]

"I don't want that." This whole exercise would be so much easier if she did. "But I don't want you to get hurt because you think I'm something I'm not."

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

"You don't want me to get hurt, but you don't like who I think you are," he said. "You might have to get over yourself, Cara, because you haven't said anything to change my opinion."

[wrongkindofsith]

"What will it take to make you see?"

That probably wasn't a challenge on Clark's part, Cara.

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

"See reality or what you seem to think I should see?" This could not possibly end well.

[wrongkindofsith]

Somewhere in the Midlands, Richard was suddenly overcome with the urge to bash himself unconscious on the nearest tree-trunk. "They're the same thing!"

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

"Fine, you tell me who you are and then tell me who I am and we'll see if I agree." Somehow he was derailing this conversation if it killed him.

[wrongkindofsith]

It very well might, good thing Cara had the Breath of Life then.

"I'm not a good person, I've done too many things to too many people to be one." That wasn't what he asked you, Cara. "Most of them I'd do again in a heartbeat to protect Richard, or Kahlan, or Zedd, or you." That last one there just kind of slipped out.

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

"That wasn't what I asked, but okay. Now tell me what you think I am." He was willing to bet she thought him something far from who he really was.

[wrongkindofsith]

"You're... tall." Brilliant start there, this was what happened when you made her use words "And sweet, and gentle, and apparently utterly convinced there's good in people, regardless of whether it's actually there or not. There are times you remind me of Richard, only even more like a puppy than he is."

[redandblueblur.livejournal.com]

"There's not good in everyone, but I don't give up when I see it in others," Clark said, looking a little sad at the idea that she thought of him like a helpless puppy. "And you left out the part where my arrival on this planet ruined the lives of thousands and how just knowing me gets innocent people hurt or killed. There's plenty of darkness in my life, Cara, I just choose not to wallow in it like Batman."

[wrongkindofsith]

There were reasons Cara got along with Bruce, just saying.

Well, considering Cara's main experience with puppies was raising one and training it to attack on command, it wasn't so much helplessness as adorability ...potential?

"Taking the blame for that's like saying Rahl ordering the massacre at Brennidon was Richard's fault because he was the target," she said, reaching up to smooth her fingers through his hair. "He hadn't even been born yet."

Come to think of it, at times Richard did blame himself for that.